Just Stuff...and a New Pie Recipe!

This hawk is sitting on a high-line pole nearly every evening. One day I'm going to be prepared and catch him on that pole!

I made one placemat at the COF 2012 retreat in Branson - well I started it there. I finally completed all eight and made the tablerunner to match from a PJ party on the HGTV quilting forum. :D I'm happy!

A couple of weeks ago we spent Sunday with Isabel and her parents. She was starved for barbeque at lunch...

Ah...sated!

This is what 15 mph looks like at 7:40 a.m on the way to work via a country road. He got up to 20 and hit his breaks to slow down. LOL I leave early enough that I don't always go straight to work, sometimes I take an alternate route. This guy may have thought he was "getting to" me...but I was behind him laughing. neener neener He turned right at the farm-to-market road and looked over his shoulder - I guess to judge my degree of frustration. He was a young guy. Go figure...

Remember that Ozark Mountain Pie I had at the Rainbow Cafe in Mt. View Arkansas?

Here's my version.

I sorta held a naming contest with some quilter friends: To Die for Pie, Sherry's Sinful Indulgence, Sherry is a Big Tease (LOL), No Name Pie...but the winner is ...

Big Butt Pie

1/4 cup butter, softened
2/3 cup sugar
1/2 cup light Karo
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 eggs
1 cup chocolate chips
1 cup coconut
1 cup walnuts, chopped

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream butter and sugar. Add Karo and vanilla, mix in. Then add eggs and beat until all is blended in. Stir in chocolate chips, coconut, and walnuts. Pour into a prepared pie shell. Bake 40-45 minutes.

Note: I used dark chocolate chips, but you can use milk chocolate chips if you prefer.
 

This is my "Does this hat make my butt look big?" gift from Sue - aka Florida Farm Girl. Yes...there's a story. ;)

My new crust recipe. 
When I got my new KitchenAide food processor last year I searched for a pastry crust recipe. So flaky it melts in your mouth!

1 1/2 cups flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
Pulse a couple of times to mix.

8 tablespoons of lard (I weigh it - 4 ounces)
Cut into chunks and spread on top of flour. Pulse 3 times counting to 3 each time.

Run and sprinkle in three tablespoons of ice cold water. This comes together real quick. Turn off. Gather up into a bundle. Wrap in plastic wrap and chill at least an hour.

Note:
You can use shortening instead of lard. Some of the fat can be butter, but butter tends to toughen the crust.

Oooops.

So. I'm leaving the grocery store the other day. The young man who sacked my groceries for me was pushing the buggy (I'm from Texas - it's a BUGGY not a cart). This car starts to back out...I looked at Young Man and say, "Wow that's sure an ugly car. What is it?" I look at the grill on the front. "Fiat. Is that a Fiat?" 

Young Man says, "Looks like it." 

Driver of said ugly car puts the shifter in Drive. I see her grinning from ear to ear. Then I see the driver's side window is down about four inches.

I look at her and mouth, Did you hear me? 
Still grinning, she makes eye contact with me and nods her head, Yes.

Ay-yi-yi!!

I guess I gave Young Man something to tell his mother about when he got home that evening.

Concussion Under the Pear Tree

I'm telling you! It's dangerous out there gathering pears!!!

When those hard pears hit you in the head they just about knock you out!! I swear I have a bruise on the back of my right shoulder where one got me this evening...I haven't look yet, but I KNOW that there's a bruise!! Believe me!

Went out early the other morning to gather up what hit the ground and still had my glasses on (I wear contact lenses 99% of my waking hours)...pear hits me in the face and hits my glasses. I looked around and couldn't see out of the left lens. The lens was on the ground.

I need a hard hat and a pair of safety glasses just to gather pears! You know...a Kevlar vest might be needed...think I'll talk to one of the deputies at work. Or maybe just take the Smith & Wesson out and start target practice on those little hard devils!!!

Wednesday Bruise Update:
Well I NEVER!  I just knew that there'd be a bruise on my shoulder.  Harumphf.  No sign of being in battle with a pear tree at all!  How do you like them...pears?! ;-)

Serious Laughter!

Watched Bosom Buddies today. F * U * N * N * Y**!**! Tom Hanks was so cute!!!

Then I Love Lucy. I'm getting too old to laugh that hard! Thank goodness for Depends!

Jonathan is coming this next weekend for Christmas! I am ecstatic!!! He's bringing his girlfriend and her three daughters. I've e-mailed him and asked him "what food" do I need to cook. A-waiting his answer...

Facebook...

Y'all won't believe this. On Facebook, I clearly state that I'm married. My profile is set to private - anyway I thought it was...I need to check into that. Just a couple of days ago, I clicked on my Message folder. Under Messages was "Other" with a 2. Look what someone sent to me in mid-September!


**** ********
Hello

well... I am very impressed with your profile and intrigued by your beautiful eyes. Your personality of being goofy and fun loving is very attractive to me. You seem quite intelligent and have a mature perspective on life. I believe that we have much in common and that we could be a great match. My name is *********** I lost my wife and have one son.! There are so many things that I really enjoy. Here are just a few: intellectual conversation, traveling, dining our, sports, music, dancing, movies, theater, museums, art galleries, as well as cooking. I believe love and romance. I am very intelligent, energetic, loyal, respectful, positive, optimistic, romantic, caring, sensitive, compassionate, easy going,appreciative monogamous, witty, friendly, sincere, articulate, understanding, straightforward,flexible,adaptable, hardworking and easy to please. Importantly, I have a good sense of humor and like to laugh. I am a one woman man .I do not do drugs, do not abuse alcohol and do not play head games. I like to look at issues from different perspectives to achieve better understanding.like honesty and truthfulness.hate lies and cheat. looking for a descent ,caring and understanding woman who would take me for what i am. Of course, no one is perfect. There are always room to learn and to grow. To me, learning, growing, improving and maturing is a life long process. I strive to learn from my own past mistakes and shortcomings, from other people and from experts, to be a better person.Life is too short to waste.Opportunity never comes back. Let's talk, meet and get to know one another. As a matter of fact, I have much more to tell you about myself in detail. There is not enough time and space for me to elaborate here. Hopefully, we can make connection and become soul mates. If not, we can still be friends and share wisdom with each other.I believethat we have much in common and that we could be a great match. i hope u tell me a little about urself too Ok.i will looking forward to hear from you My email is **********


LOL That's it. Whaddya think? Of course everything he said about me is oh so true! He is a monogamous (spelled it correctly too) and a one-woman man. And he hits up a married woman??!! In case this is up-n-up, which I seriously doubt, I did not include his photo. From the photo, he's a good 15 and maybe 20 years younger. Hey Jonathan! You want a brother?

Visitors...

I have Feedjit over at the bottom of my right-hand sidebar. It tells me where my visitors are from and how they got here...via HGTV MBs, direct, via a search engine, etc. I try to check it every day. Once I had a visitor from the Vatican! You better believe that I blogged about that.

In the last day or so, I had a visitor from Port Chester, New York. He visited me via Google. This is what he was searching for:

"i got circumsized 2 weeks ago, i have a bubble between some stitches, is that normal?"

OUCH! I hope he got an answer somewhere out there! ;o)

Quilters and Butter

What do those two things have in common? Read on...

First of all, I drove Mama to the doctor yesterday (Tuesday). She got a great checkup and the doctor gave her permission to drive! Hallelujah!!! Today, she went to the dollar store AND to the senior diner to eat. ;o)

Last week, I contacted some quilters in the Tyler area. We met as a result of Cyber Friends Quilt Guild...an internet guild. For several years we met in Tyler at Thanksgiving and quilters came from all over the United States and even Canada! Those of us in East Texas met at different times throughout the year and became widely known as the East Texas Wildbunch...a title we are extremely proud of. We meet at the Tyler Quilt Show every spring, at LQSs (local quilt shops), and just to eat. Once, there was the red-headed waiter at a restaurant on McCann Road in Longview...sorry...that is a different story. ;o) Ahem...some things truly must remain a secret.

I really enjoyed seeing Linda and Kathy at a Mexican restaurant (we generally meet and eat) but was disappointed that Judy was not feeling well. Warning...I will be back in Tyler in six weeks!

Time for the butter story. Below is an actual record of e-mails that were flying back and forth in preparation for our Thanksgiving feast in Tyler in 2005.

This started while deciding what time we should all start getting into Tyler for our Quilt Guild Thanksgiving lunch. I said I needed a reason to be there at 10 a.m. so that Sam, my husband, would agree to arriving there that early. Judy said that I could unwrap the butter and open the door. I replied back with a "Great, then I would be qualified to be a greeter at Wal-Mart"…it went downhill from there…

JANET/SPOTTED COW
Sherry, I wouldn't count on getting a job at Wal Mart, they only hire people with NO experience, that's why they can never answer your questions.

Also, there is a correct way and an incorrect way to open butter stix. You may want to practice some before you get there Saturday.

　Correct way to open butter stix:
1. open little flaps on left side of wrapped stick
2. open little flaps on right side of wrapped stix
3. carefully lift long edge of paper, pulling gently till it lifts off of stick
4. place saucer under the partly unwrapped stick, then holding paper only, let butter slide off of wrapper onto the saucer.
5. never touch bare butter with fingers.

　Incorrect way to unwrap butter:
1. grab stix of butter and squeeze till end flaps pop open
2. then grab long edge of wrapper and jerk till butter is unwrapped and falls on counter top or floor.
3. snatch up butter stix and slap down on saucer and place on table.
4. don't worry about hand and finger prints, they will slice off when used.
　Janet

Kathy/QUILT OBSESSION
Yes, Sherry, I think it would! Any experience you can gain during the process of opening the butter, could surely help, and I can't see that it would hurt at all! LOL　 You just never know when those skills would be needed. LOL
　
Kathy/QUILT OBSESSION:
6.　 No cussing if the flaps are difficult to open, or if the butter doesn't want to slide off the paper, or if the butter falls on the floor during the "sliding" process!
　
JANET/SPOTTEDCOW
7. put tape over mouth if #6 happens
　
SHERRY/KEEPYOUINSTITCHES
Okay, so I'm over qualified for Wal-Mart.　 I was truly looking forward to working there when I grow up.　 In the meantime, I've been practicing with the butter.　 I bought a pound of butter, and really messed up, so had to go back to the store for more.

　First of all, I bought margarine to practice with - it's cheaper you know.　 However, it just doesn't sliiiidddde off the paper correctly.　 And, once...or twice...or - well, you get the idea...I licked my fingers.　 YUCK!　 People use that stuff??!!　 Well, I digress.

I couldn't get the butter to sliiiidddde off the wrapper either, so I thought maybe it was too cold.　 I put it in the microwave for JUST 10 seconds.　 Took a whole roll of paper towels to clean the microwave.　
Stick #2, after tearing the flaps off, and peeling the edge of the paper, I'm standing there with the butter just dangling.　 So, I gave it a flip - just a little flip...went straight in the garbage disposal.
With stick #3, I thought...well, I can't write what I actually thought first.　 Secondly, I thought "Spatula."　 By this time, I've got the hang of opening the little bitty tiny flaps and carefully - oops, itty bitty fingerprint - lifting the edge of the paper (butter under my fingernail).　 I take the edge of the spatula and start to gently push the stick of butter off the paper when Sam came up behind me and asks "Hey, what are you doing?"　 We both looked up.　 And there it was, stuck on the ceiling.　 We haven't gotten all of the spackle picked out of it yet.　 We may just use that stick for popcorn - that'll explain the crunchies...
So, Sam took stick #4 and tore the flaps, ripped open the wrapper, picked the butter up with HIS HAND, plopped it on the plate and said, "What's so hard about that?!"
I have a headache.　 I'm going to bed.　 Might as well, I'm out of butter.　 I've got it on my grocery list though and as soon as I get over this migraine, I'll go to the store and buy more to practice with.
Hey!　 Great idea.　 My pineapple pound cake recipe calls for butter...would y'all notice if there was a bit of crunchy in there with the pineeeeeeeeeeapppppppppppppllllllllllleeeeeeeeee???????????　 Oops, still had a bit of butter on my hand.
　Oh, yeah, I've got to put tape on my grocery list too.
　PS - Janet, cute puppies!　 Do they like butter?
　
Janet/Spotted Cow
Now look Sherry, you have to learn how to do this, it's not that hard. First of all, you have to buy very expensive butter, try a shop that carries imported butter. The best kind to buy is the kind that had the 22 carat gold writing on it. I'm sure you've seen it, it's right　between the Philadelphia Cream Cheese with the inlaid diamond wrapper and and the cottage cheese that has each curd dipped in Mother of Pearl.
You cannot tear the ends off, treat them like small delicate half square triangles, gently lift and fold them back out of the way. If you are having problems with "butter under the fingernails," then you have purchased cheap butter. Real butter does not get under your fingernails; it has more class than that!　 Also, expensive butter slides right off the paper with out any problems.
I do understand that you have be allotted a very prestigious job and after re-reading your last reply, I have come to the conclusion that maybe we have given you a job beyond your capabilities. So, perhaps you should take the job of replacing the empty toilet paper rolls. Of course you do understand these rolls are not to be confused with the dinner rolls, don't you?
One is made of paper, the other made of dough. But the most important difference between them is that one is quilted and one is not!　 You will be handling the one that has been quilted. When not actively busy replacing rolls, you can count how many stitches to the inch the TP has been quilted.
Also, warning to all diners, do not eat anything that Sherry says she added butter and nuts to, remember the spackled ceiling at her home!
Hugs
Janet
　
Kathy/Quilt Obsession
You know Sherry, I hate to say this, but there seems to be an opening at the Thanksgiving dinner for a butter opener, just doesn't seem like you're qualified for this position! LOL If you didn't get the hang of it after wasting all that butter.....er margarine, I don't think there's a chance of you catching on! LOL
　
Sherry/KeepYouInStitches
I've been practicing - again...what's this springy thing inside the toilet paper holder do-hicky? What am I supposed to do with it.
　BE NICE!!!

Janet/Spotted Cow
WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!　 Get the picture?
Kim, can you unwrap butter?
lol
Hugs
Janet
　
Kim/kfb
Yes Janet, I believe I can open the butter, LOL　 Don't worry Sherry, I'm sure we can find something you can do to stay busy. Maybe you can just mingle with the guests, I think you've worked hard enough already. Yep, mingling should be just perfect!
　Janet, you forgot to tell her that the toilet paper must unroll from the top.... I better keep my mouth shut or that will be my job! LOL

Janet
Well, after greater consideration, do you think maybe you could just handle opening and closing the door for people?
Of course, I am sure you do realize they have to either be entering or exiting　 when you open the door?

Sherry/KYIS
Does the door open in or out?　 I need to start practicing!

Janet
IN !!!!!　 But remember, you have to stay out of the door way, yourself!
　
Sherry/KYIS
The Cranberry Sparkle is in the refrigerator jelling...the Pineapple Pound Cake is on the counter cooling.　 (I strained the butter to get the spackle out of it.)
You have no idea how hard it was to work in the kitchen today.　 You see, I have this big open gashing wound on my hand.　 I decided that I was going to perfect opening butter.　 Nothing I have tried up to this point had worked in a manner that I thought would please you-know-who.　 I'm so afraid to even mention her name.　 I might start sobbing hysterically again.　 Sam had to shove a couple of valium down my throat earlier today.　　She will remain nameless so I don't get upset again!

　
　
JANET!!
　
　
　
　
　
I'm sorry.　 I had to go take another nap.　
This morning　I decided to make the prettiest stick of butter anyone has ever seen.　 I took this really sharp knife.　 I got it out of the locked knife drawer which Sam accidentally left unlocked.　 I got the best wooden cutting board I have in my kitchen - one of those maple boards that has the drip tray around it.　 Really pretty.　 Sam gave it to me for Christmas one year.　 That was the year he took the knives away.　Oops.　 Digressing again.　 (I like that word.)　
So, I took out the butter that I put in the freezer earlier　to get it really, really cold.　 Laid it on the cutting board.　 Held it perfectly still.　 Took the knife and heated it.　 And started to slice the paper off the stick of butter.　 The first side of the paper came off so nicely.　 You should see it.　 So smooth it almost has a reflection.　 I turned the stick of butter over to the next side.　 Held it securely.　 Heated the knife again.　 Started the next slice.　 Forgot to move my finger.　 Fortunately I didn't cut it too deep.　
Oh, don't worry, remember I said I used the cutting board with the drip tray around it.　 So, the kitchen wasn't in a mess.　
But I don't know what happened to Sam.　 He asked me what did I think I was trying to prove.　 I just started screaming "JANET!　 JANET!　 JANET!"　 over and over again.　 I have a wonderfully understanding husband.　 Without even hitting me, I realized I was on the floor with him sitting on top of me　shoving those two valium down my throat.　 He's such a sweetheart.　 But he made me throw the butter away too. He said, "NO!　 We can't just wash it off!!"
Sigh.
For those of you who haven't met me yet,　I'll be at the door to greet you.　 Please don't get your feelings hurt if I can't shake your hand.
Hugs and smiles!!
Sherry
　
Cow woman
Oh My gosh, Sherry!!!　 I am so sorry someone has upset you so much that you can't even say her name. You want me to slap her for you??　 Huh!　 I will, you know. And listen, you should never let anyone upset you so much that you slash your wrist, ut oh, I mean hand!　 They're just not worth it. I am sure who ever that person is, will be nicer to you tomorrow when she sees you and what a nice job you have done with the butter!
Hugs
Janet

Sherry/KYIS
Did you scroll all the way down?

Cow
ME !!!!　 You Were Talking about ME!!!!!!!! You must be hallucinating, to many xanax's, oh, I'm sorry that was Valium, wasn't it? ()
　Ladies and DH, we all know that Sherry has been heavily medicated, (see previous emails for dosage), so if you walk up to the door and she shuts it in your face, just remember, she's not responsible for her actions. Someone will get her DH, Dr. Sam, to take care of her. lol
See ya tomorrow
Hugs
Janet

And that, my readers is the end of the e-mails. But not the end of the story. While Janet/SpottedCow/Cow Woman/and just plain old Cow was instructing me in the fine art of opening butter, another quilter took photos for evidence...I mean posterity. She even labeled the photos:

Here are those wonderful women...some who love me and some who manage to tolerate me. ;o)

Confession Time

All right. I think Tyler Perry is a very talented person. I do not like his Medea movies. However, that's what I watched last night...Medea Goes to Jail. Sigh. You know. Confession may be touted as being good for the soul. It can also be embarrassing!

It did, however, have its moments. When Medea tells the women in prison that each of them was responsible for the situation that they were in. That it was no one else's fault. Get over it.

So true.

Speaking of movies...have you seen Taken? GREAT movie! High tension though. I had to go home and rest when it was over.

GRIT

Thanks to GenaB, a misplaced Texan from Tyler now living in Grand Junction Colorado, I know that I am a GRITS.

Girl
Raised
In
The
South

What an appropriate acronym!

You know, we Texans could just be a GRIT

Girl
Raised
In
TEXAS!

I better go get my hair dry and put on some makeup. We did the yard today and have plans to go to Jefferson to a Bike Benefit in a few minutes. A high school classmate of mine is performing...mentioned him once before I think when he, his wife, and their band performed at Sam's Town in Shreveport. They are setting up outside so we won't be couped up with the smokers.

Later!

Stormy Night---Windy Day

I heard a coyote crossing our property sometime before midnight. He yipped all the way across behind the house. I started to get up to take a look out the window...but was too lazy. We woke in the wee hours to lightning and thunder. And I mean it was just right outside our window. I looked out the bedroom window to make certain the two big oaks out back were still standing and not ablaze.

I stopped at a couple of estate sales this morning on the way to the grocery store. Okay...big detour around the grocery store. ;o) The sales were as different as night and day. One had some wonderful stuff! Franciscan dishes. Pottery. Silver as well as silverplate. Some crystal. Tablecloths and napkins. I purchased a nice (probably not crystal but still nice) two tiered serving piece $8, three tablecloths without a single spot on them...one with eight matching napkins all for $10!!, three dainty lady's hankies $5, and an American Fostoria cruet $15...I'll have to watch Carol's bag next time she visits or it may walk out the door with her!!!

I bought the crystal/glass serving piece and the tablecloths and napkins for our library's Friends group. We've been doing a little catering and providing our own items chancing that something gets broken or stained.

The hankies and cruet (as mentioned) are mine to keep.

Then...the other estate sale. I did not see one interesting thing. Wait! Yes I did. A Brother zig-zag sewing machine. If I needed yet another machine I would have seriously considered this. But, with three machines already...;o) The poor lady had the 'blue goose' or duck or whatever everywhere. I would've considered the dishes until I saw the goose/duck. Shudder. Reminds me of when we were house hunting. Someone younger than me had completely redecorated her in-law's home before moving in. Blue...blue...BLUE carpet and those blasted blue geese everywhere! And this was in 2003...not 1995!!! I told Sam that if we bought the house the blue carpet would have to go. His statement? "But it's new!" I didn't care. The couple who did buy it were retirees from the Dallas area. First thing they did? Ripped out the new blue carpet. I rest my case!

Not necessarily these...but similar.

Enough of that. Now for some fun.

I am a Southern woman. This proves it. Changes to fit me are in italics.

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:

Clean skin.

A winning smile.

That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:

"Yes, ma'am."

"Yes, sir."

"Why, no! I'm not that kind of girl!"

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:

"Y'all come back!"

"Well, bless your heart."

"Drop by when you can."

"How's your Mama?"

Southern women know their summer weather report:

Humidity

Humidity

Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:

The beach

The river

The crick

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:

Colorful hi-heel sandals

Strapless sun dresses

Iced tea with lemon

Southern women know everybody's first name:

Honey

Darlin'

Sugar

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:

"Fried Green Tomatoes"

"Driving Miss Daisy"

"Steel Magnolias"

"Gone With The Wind"

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist

Methodist

NASCAR

Southern women know their country breakfasts:

Red-eye gravy

Grits

Eggs

Country ham

Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with Mama's homemade jelly

Southern Texas women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:

Fort Worth

Dallas

San Antone

Houston

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:

Men in uniform

Men in tuxedos

Rhet Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:

The Mall

The Beauty Salon

The Rodeo Arena

Texas Motor Speedway

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:

Having bad hair and nails

Having bad manners

Cooking bad food

More Southernisms:

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town; be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck and a good ol' boy.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!

In the South, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows that gravy is a breakfast food and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner.

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it. Sweet milk means you don't want buttermilk.

A true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the highway. You just say, "Bless her heart"...and go your own way.

Preach On, Sister!

You MUST see this! Be sure to go to the bottom and turn off the jukebox first.

It's a Full Time Job

"Jake's just up to being Jake. It's a full time job, you know."

Augustus McCrae

Lonesome Dove

Larry McMurtry

Sam and I watched Lonesome Dove last month. When Robert Duvall uttered the above line, I nearly cracked up. How many people do you know that fits that description? I could name names, but I better not! ;o)

My Husband is such a sweetie

He is such a sweetie that last night I handed him a pillow and a quilt. He e-mailed this to me:

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
Finally, the guys' side of the story. ( I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers. (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You' re a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

Don't Steal

The government doesn't need the competion

I saw this sentiment on a t-shirt in the store today. Isn't that just hilarious? No. On second thought. Not really. It is extremely sad.


I finally found the resolution I want to make for 2009... ;o)

Friends

I can not resist this. The following is an e-mail from a very dear friend. Read it quickly because if she sees this, I may have to pull it. I don't think I've had this good of a laugh in a long time. I merely asked for book reviews for the library's site.

Disclaimer: Names have been changed to protect the innocent...her husband is the only innocent I found in this whole thing. ;o) Any censoring was done by my very dear friend.

Yeah..........and a very happy new year to you also, Mrs. Sherry !!!

I have been on crutches ever since last year and I have read so many books that I have continuous headaches.

I liked some of the books, some I did not; some made me cry, others did not. I always finish what I start even if it's ' waaaaay wrong'. Never did like book reports. Hey, I didn't even like school, but in order to live I HAD to attend AND remain on the honor roll.........or else.

I received a bag of books from one of my church members. She joined a Christian book club and has about lost what bit of 'religion' she has because the books are coming so frequently. She swears that they are coming out of the wazoo. (whatever that is) Does the library have any of the books I have read? Probably not. So, so much for my review, eh? But just for your own info, I read 'em because they were: (1) free (2) large enough print not to stress me out (3) I was unable to leave the house to get what I wanted (4) -husband- still has a nasty cold so I had mercy on him and did not send him to get the 'who done it' type I like (5) I was too 'sorry' to even get on the computer to read and answer mail (6) I ran out of wine (7) I had to stay off my feet and elevate (8) TV was not an option ( 9) needed to unwind after the kids/grands left (10) had already finished my scrapbook of family members
(11) fully clothed, I fell down, barely missed falling into the bath tub. (12) stayed pissed with -husband- for a good 24 hours because he did not hear nor feel me when I hit the floor. At - oops...better leave weight out of this - plus, I KNOW #### well that I had to have shaken
not only the pictures on the walls but the foundation of the house. Did he come to my ####### rescue? #### NO !!!

I said a prayer of thanks, finally got up and totally forgot about the 'religous books' that I was reading. (13) the orgami frogs that I taught myself to make never did hop like the instrucrions stated (14) could not play the keyboard, while my foot was elevated (15) tried the guitar again...it sounded lousy, as usual, my fault of course. (16) And.........I DID NOT CALL YOU TO SCHEDULE A CROCHET CLASS. So I read what I had. Got religion now though.

God is good. I made it to 2009 ANNNND I got more wine. I don't take many pain pills anymore. I can finally place my foot on the floor but still cannot put pressure on it. That's a start. I will take it "one day at a time'. I have had enough 'pity parties' to last for the rest of the year. When I did finally get out of the house, I had to crawl back in
(refer to # 12) because I was afraid of going up the steps on crutches. Won't even discuss pain in my back. Been spending quite a bit of time on it. :o) Get your mind out of the 'gutter'. I am referring to the elevation of my foot.

So now you are up to date. I hope that I will be able to attend the meeting. I miss all of you.

Much love to ya,
(much loved friend's name)

And The Winner Is...

I woke at 6:30 this morning and got straight to work. After double checking the names and verifying that no one is a relative of mine or an employee of my company (oops....I don't have a company) or any of my subsidiaries (oh, no company - no subsidiaries), no one sent any bribe money or goodies or even chocolate - rats! I then started the ardous task of hand-writing all the names of the many people who entered this fabulous give-away opportunity.

After breakfast and watching my three quilting/sewing programs on PBS this morning, I read a chapter in a Sharon Sala book (my favorite new author). When I saw how late it had become, I showered and sorted laundry.

Oh, back to the task at hand. And the winner - drum roll - is.

Congratulations, Lindsay aka Saved Sinnr!!!

1st Anniversary Giveaway

I knew the competition would be hot and heavy! ;o) We are coming down to the wire. Friday, when we return from the drive across the Talimena Drive - yeah!!! - I will check back and have the names ready for Sam to do the drawing. Thanks for the compliments on my blog. I told "Your Son" about being called "fascinating." He laughed and said he had another word in mind. I know...he's not to far off from getting cut out of the will.

To celebrate the first birthday of my blog, I've decided to have a blog giveaway. For a chance at a machine embroidered patch for your motorcycle vest, just leave a comment. For a second chance, mention this on your blog (let me know so that I can come take a look). This is one of only four that I've made. While I 'designed' the layout, the embroidery designs were from http://www.annthegran.com/ .

I know that this will be a heavily sought after prize (LOL) and that the competition will be hot and heavy. I will do my best to keep up with your comments. Last date to enter will be Friday, November 7.

This is Sam's sewn on his vest.

Beware!

I worked Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday at the public library while the librarian was on vacation. I cleared the computer area, scanned the library with my eyes (small library...just one room), then left promptly at 5 p.m. At 5:30 I receive a call from a friend who works for the sheriff's department. Dispatch called her...someone was locked in the library! He'd been in the restroom...and by my guesstimate for 15 minutes or more!